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for you it may be thursday.. for me it's TTLIFBIIDGOHIGTS*!
okay - here is where i alienate any male readers that i have. (so, all NONE of you take a break for a while, get a coffee and read some manly stuff for a change like GQ or a home repair book or something.) let's talk about pre-menstral syndrome and what it means to me in my life.
yes, that's right. out loud i've just said the words PRE-MENSTRAL SYNDROME (PMS from here on out, or PMT if you're a uk person.) i suffer from the above mentioned syndrome. and if you think it's bunk or not severe enough to be called a syndrome, please - i insist - ask my husband over there reading his boiler repair manual. he'll tell you.
after one or two days of thinking i have no friends or purpose in life, i suddenly realise that PMS is knocking on my door. i don't know how to best describe it. at times, it's mild but annoying and other times its life controlling, hateful, spiteful and it makes me completely crazy.
for example, this week .. i spent the majority of my first three days this week convinced i was heading for divorce number two. my husband obviously didn't love me anymore, didn't know my needs and certainly did not understand me as a person. (yes dear, i know you know it's just a passing thing - go back to boiler book)
now .. i know he loves me. i know our relationship is as strong as ever. and most importantly, i know it's my mind getting a bit out of control with my emotions. but still. it feels very very very real. and it makes me want to pick fights. big time.
so - am i alone? does anyone else suffer? i can only talk about this, really, because i'm on the upswing from a pretty low point this month. i kid you not - to me - the world is brighter, my outlook sunnier and life is back to where it was about 5.3 days ago.
weird.
*thank the lord it's friday, because if i don't get outta here i am going to scream.
wednesday
my friend katherine (who is also an american expat and who's son toby my daughter adores and worships) has just started her very first blog. she's four entries in and already has me laughing out loud and checking a zillion times a day to see what else she's written. so please, head on over and show her some love! k's blog.
we're going to see a's family this weekend. we're also going to tour a school that we're considering for mc. it's a montessori school, which i'm very interested in. i've done lots of reading on the montessori method of teaching and think mc would do well in that particular teaching environment. i'm currently reading 'montessori from the start, the child at home from birth to age three' and 'help me to do it myself' both books about creating a montessori environment in the home. i'm all about it.
so far we've done simple things, like putting a coat rack at her height as well as giving her a table and chair her size to work/play/eat on. we've worked on pouring, sorting, threading, counting and colours. we are also giving her responsibilities and she seems to thrive when given a task. i'd say her favourite is feeding the cat, but she's also a whiz at helping me fold laundry and last night she helped me unload the dishwasher. oh - she really likes clearing her table and putting her dishes in the sink. the entire concept of hands-on learning and self discovery is so appealing to me that i'm really getting into 'helping her learn to do it hersef', which is a simplified version of the core montessori value.
i'm rambling - but i'm really excited about the possibility of mc going to a montessori school!
do i worry?
i got in the car last night and andrew said, 'just wait until you hear this.' he then proceeded to ask mary catherine to tell me about her bum. she turns to me and says, 'my bum hurts.' being the concerned, wonderful parent i am, i ask her why her bum hurts. she says, 'umm. i have a little rash and there's a pencil in it.' uhh.. okay. hmm.
this morning andrew brought her into our bed to begin her usual morning waking up routine. i started to rub her back. she raises up on all fours, hair like a mad professor and says, 'leave me alone!' and slumped back down. after about 30 seconds she then told me, 'i need coffee.' right. gee. sure.
so as it currently stands, i'm raising a grumpy, two year old with a rash and pencil issues who is definitely not a morning person. i won't even tell you how mad at me she got when i told her that we didn't have time to watch mary poppins this morning!
would this be a case of nature (ie - can i blame it on andrew's genes?) or nurture?!
random monday thoughts..
today i think i'm going to fill out my application for naturalisation as a british citizen. why? well, because i can. i'm entitled. not that my life will change, or anything. but it means that i can vote. of course, i'll have to pony up £214 for the priviledge of applying and current applications are taking around eight and a half months to be processed.
it'll probably take me that length of time to gather together the dates of every single time i've left the united kingdom since i moved here..
for fun i've just started reading up on the process of getting andrew an american green card. on the surface it doesn't look too painful - but i'm sure there's annoyance in there somewhere!
more later..
i stand on the edge of the weekend with a clean slate before me.
so some weird stuff went down yesterday at work. and i'm not really going to talk about it, but it's gotten me pretty down and i've been a bit mopey.
but you know what? today is friday and i have two full days of my family to look forward to - so i'm putting it out of my mind. ska-rew it. there's more to life.
speaking of this weekend.. we have no plans whatsoever and i feel the need for an adventure. any ideas?
final note for today..
did you know... that the money spent on the inaugural festivities for bush ($40m, the largest amount in history) is enough to fund 690 Humvees and pay for a $290 bonus for each soldier serving in Iraq?
"President Bush defended the pomp and parties, saying in an interview with US network CBS: "You can be equally concerned about our troops in Iraq and those who suffered in the tsunami while celebrating democracy."
there goes my stomach again..
my stomach hurts cos i'm on my soapbox.
"As George W Bush prepares to be sworn in as president of the United States for the second time, he is a man who has already made clear he has big plans for the next four years.
'I earned capital in the campaign, political capital, and now, I intend to spend it. It is my style,' he said. And there are plenty of voters intending to hold President Bush to his word. At an impromptu prayer service outside a federal court in Washington, evangelical leader the Reverend Pat Mahoney leaves no doubt that he and other Christians are expecting the president to deliver on such issues as banning gay marriage and abortion.
"We have an expression in America: 'Dance with the person you brought to the dance'," he said. He believes that conservative, evangelical Christians were the cornerstone of President Bush's re-election. "We would hope that the president would follow through on many of his commitments that energised his base," the Reverend Mahoney said." (click for full bbc article
and while the commentators are saying that they really don't think that his second term will bow to the christian conservatives - i am incredibly concerned. and let's not mention how i am already in a knot thinking that bush will, most likely, wage war on iran.
i was sent this photo article yesterday (WARNING: graphic images) about an iraqi family coming under US fire. inside the car were an Iraqi family of seven. the mother and father were killed but their five children in the backseat survived, one with a non-life threatening wound. a US military statement said troops trying to stop the car used hand signals and fired warning shots before firing directly at the car, killing the driver and front seat passenger.
why do we allow this to happen? WHY? happy inauguration day, mr bush. how you sleep, i do not know.
wednesday
i actually have very little to report. i'm at a loss for things to type. mc is better, no fever. a is fine, i'm fine. we're all just... fine.
pretty boring, n'est pas? at the moment, my calendar is pretty bare with not much to really look forward to, other than the arrival of my parents in later february and a few visits with family and friends scattered here and there.
why do i feel a need to constantly have something to look forward to? i often find that living in the moment isn't really something i do all that well. i suppose i should take the time to sniff the flowers and enjoy where i am in my life.
this morning my skin looked like crepe paper. i know it's probably just because i didn't use my super moisturising cream yesterday. but in my head, it's because i'm 33 and getting older. i've already told myself that this is 2005 and thusly and henceforthly i will be 34 and that i have to face facts.
it's just that most days i still feel like i'm about 22. and then i stop, look around and recount my life story thus far. i'm not 22. i'm 33. i live in another country to which i was born. i am on my second husband. i have a two year-old. i've bought two houses in my lifetime and three cars. i've had a 'real job' in the 'real world' for 10 years.
i must just be tired, or a tad bit grumpy. i'm certainly not handling getting older very well and i don't know why.
on another note - i think i'm going to have soup for lunch.
lazy sunday
andrew looks a bit demonic in this picture - but i love how happy mc looks. we had a good weekend. saturday was active per usual .. swimming, coffee, playing, haircut, petrol, groceries. whew, the exciting humdrum of our weekly lives.
yesterday we took the day off and stayed in, watched lots of movies (i can now say that i've seen mulan in chinese, can you?) made cakes and just took the time to do not much of anything. it was really great.
last night at midnight, mc awoke with a 39 degree fever (102f) but after a bit of medicine and tlc, she settled cooler and happier in our bed. sleeping with her has become a family exercise in contortion, especially last night when i was mindful of her temp. needless to say - i'm a bit kinky today. you, erm, know what i mean.
i'd like to pause eternity and live in the moment, please
today on the way to work, mary catherine was playing with my hands (and my newly grown out nails) and looked up at me and said 'you're beautiful'. wow.
mannerless manor.
we went to a meeting last night for all residents of our (small) building. one guy who came late showed up and started in on everyone for things ranging from smiling and saying hello to dogs touching his leg to memos being unacceptable and judgemental as well as listing problems he had with a few of his neighbours. it was positively bizarre and unsettling. total night blower. weirder was the fact that he wouldn't tell anyone his name because it invaded his privacy. so having a conversation with him was strange because you couldn't refer to him by name.
everyone else in the building seemed nice - but this guy has really freaked me out. i'm amazed how someone can be so rude when the situation didn't really call for it. i guess sometimes i'm floored at other peoples' behaviour and have problems coping with being treated poorly. i'm trying not to obsess about it - but the conversations keep eeking into my thoughts.
and so begins wednesday...
by definition..
from the wikipedia..
A geek is a person who is fascinated, perhaps obsessively, by technology and imagination. Geek may not always have the same meaning as the term nerd (see nerd for a discussion of the disputed relation between the terms).
The definition of geek has changed considerably over the years. Below are some definitions of the word "geek", in order from newer to oldest. All but the last are still in use.
--- A person who is interested in technology, especially computing and new media. Comparable with the classic definition of hacker.
--- A person with a devotion to something in a way that places him or her outside the mainstream. This could be due to the intensity, depth, or subject of their interest. This definition is very broad, and allows for band geeks, computer geeks, politics geeks, geography geeks, geeks of the natural sciences, music geeks, history geeks, linguistics geeks, sports geeks, SCA geeks, gaming geeks, ham radio geeks, public transit geeks (metrophiles), anime and manga geeks (otaku), Star Trek geeks (trekkie), Tolkien or fantasy geeks (Tolkienite), geeks of many colours, genders, and styles.
Note: When geek is used in this way, nerd and dork may be used to denote subcatagories of geek. In this light, nerd typically refers to someone who has a devotion to modern-science-based subject matter (science fiction, computers, the internet, etc.), whereas a dork's knowledge would fall in the realm of the social sciences.
--- A derogatory term for one with low social skills, often with average intelligence, as opposed to nerds, who are generally viewed as having low social skills but high intelligence. It is theorised that many of these people have Asperger's syndrome. Late 20th century
--- A person who swallows live animals, bugs, etc., as a form of entertainment at fairs etc. This often included biting the heads off of chickens. The Geek would usually perform in a "geek pit." This probably comes from the Scottish geck, meaning 'fool', in turn from Low German. 19th century
What does it mean to be a geek? What would people think if you walked around with GEEK stamped on you in bold letters? In an exhibitionist social experiment, Dr. Simon Ronald, a computer geek from Adelaide, Australia set out to discover these answers. He arranged white teeshirts with GEEK printed on one and CODER1 printed on another. These are observations from lunchtime walks through the busy streets of Adelaide over a six month period. "CODER1 raises a few eyebrows, but GEEK is a reliable headturner. Pedestrians breaking out into smiles as well as spontaneous sniggering and finger pointing. Strongest reaction is pity from the blue collar demographic where perhaps the word geek is associated more with vulgar social connotations. When quizzed about geek, people quipped: 'awkward', 'nerdy', 'space cadet', 'dickhead', and 'socially incompetent'. Some have said, 'Hey I like your t-shirt', but those tend to be tech types as well.'"
Geek has always had negative connotations within society at large, where being described as a geek tends to be an insult. The term has recently become less condescending, or even a badge of honor, within particular fields and subcultures; this is particularly evident in the technical disciplines, where the term is now more of a compliment denoting extraordinary skill. This may have in part been caused by the popularity of the Dilbert comic strip, though in the larger society, the geek classification is still a negative one.
A geek can be so absorbed in their imagination that they exhibit the geeky 'lost in space' gaze, and may appear to be unresponsive due to their absorption in other worlds. The level of concentration and focus may feature at the expense of cultural plumage. Geeks are technological monks - often too busy working within their intellectual domain to do menial chores like shopping for fashion.
Modern geeks run the gamut of society, with every shape, size, color, political stance, athletic ability, music taste and age accounted for. Most people would not recognize a modern geek by looking at them, as many do not fit into the old stereotypes of the pocket-protector and black-rimmed glasses with tape in the middle. Modern geeks are granted a certain amount of respect, as the technology they create helps run the world faster and better.
---> currently, i'm at work. i am using my apple in ear headphones to listen to music i bought on the apple itunes music store on my new imac. i'm apple's dream customer.. people can't get close to me because my geek forcefield repels them.
cars, baby telly and swear words.
happy sunday to one and all. i'm totally stoked. not only is celebrity big brother not too shabby this year, my favourite television program about children is back for its yearly episodes. click here for child of our time.
we went for a test drive of a fiat multipla today. that's the car parked in front of our house - we thought we'd drive it back and see how it looked. i think we really like it - but i'm not sure that the dealer is ready to get down to brass tacks with me. after i gave him my set of ground rules and told him that i'm not stupid and i know how to buy a car - he came back and said his computer was down and would it be okay for him to call me tomorrow. hmm.
bbc two showed jerry springer - the opera on television last night. people were up in arms about it being shown, as it is very chock full of swearing and weird religious imagery. the bbc received over 40,000 complaints about it. it was very funny - and i was surprised how operatic it was. very different experience listening to people sing a libretto filed with all the words you shouldn't really say in mixed company!
anyway - off to find dinner. more tomorrow i'm sure.
oh my goodness mercy me
okay - so i got a new imac g5 today at work. i'm trying to restrain myself - but lemme tell you, i am so stoked and excited that i think i'm glowing. i don't ever think that i've had such an incredible geeky buzz. i just keep thinking thoughts about how i'm seamless from home to work now and how i can use my new jump drive easily and itunes and all the other really cool stuff that comes with being a mac user. i was so involved with it today that i 100% forgot to eat lunch and really had to remind myself to wee every few hours.
without a doubt - it's the slickest most fantastic thing i've seen in a long, long while. and from 8-630 monday through friday, it's totally mine. well, you know what i mean. tomorrow is my third anniversary with the company i work for. i'm the longest employed person here, actually. this sure beats a watch or a plastic trophy.
new year - new shop!
oooh - lovely new products added to my shop. feel free to email me if you're interested in custom designs. i'm feeling all retro! click here to check it out.
shameless.
please vote for me in the Best of Blog awards. I'm lucky enough to be a finalist in the Best Mommy Blog catagory and would appreciate your vote lots and lots. If you have more than one email address - well - you technically could vote more than once!
vote here you can vote once every 24 hours and have i mentioned that i'd really appreciate it?
I'm currently in seventh place and honoured to be there.
coming soon to my shop
i made this shirt for my daughter - but i'm sure there are loads of people who understand the sentiment behind it! it'll be going on sale tomorrow.
Photos from our trip
More boring than sitting through endless slideshows of other people's vacations? Watching them online, of course! Click here to view.
Andrew's Uncle John and Aunt Margaret sent Mary Catherine (see my new new year's resolution - to actually try and use capital letters, where appropriate!) a Christmas present. She got a really cute 'Girlies' doll and mittens with a matching hat.
I asked her 'what do you want to name her' in reference to her doll. My extremely smart and witty daughter has now called her new stuffed sidekick 'Namer'. She's a very cute doll - with hair the same colour as Mary Catherine's. MC and Namer. Quite the pair.
tuesday blues
i was away from my desk for 2.5 weeks. i left it in pristine condition. all my i's dotted and my t's crossed. everything neatly filed, plant in good health and pens, highlighters and scissors arranged by size in my desk tidy - because i'm retentive like that. heck, i'd even organized my post it notes by colour.
i come back and it's in disgusting shape. no keyboard, cabinets open, wrong chair and my favourite - snotty tissues sitting next to my phone. oh and my plant is dead. wouldn't you think that if you can sit at my desk with your disgusting tissue issues that you could at least notice my plant was croaking?
i am grossed out.
can i go away again, please?
do you love me?
i know it's shameless self promotion... but hey. you know. oh well.
please vote for me in the Best of Blog awards. I'm lucky enough to be a finalist in the Best Mommy Blog catagory and would appreciate your vote lots and lots.
vote here you can vote once every 24 hours and have i mentioned that i'd really appreciate it? vote... tell you friends to vote. heck, tell anyone with an internet connection. :)
back in the proverbial saddle..
we're home. flight back was blissfully uneventful and mary catherine did extremely well. slept in her own seat for the last 3.5 hours and was in good spirits upon waking. her first words were 'i want to watch shrek' followed by 'there's a dirty wipe'. i think she was a little out of it, n'est pas?
i'm mostly over the bummage of the other day .. and i'm okay with being back here. many thanks to everyone who sent me emails full of comfort and messages of love. you all float my boat. it was nice to come home to our little house filled with all our stuff and we're slowly unpacking.
many, many congrats to our good friends adrienne and martin on the birth of another beautiful daughter! we're so pleased for them and their family. welcome baby francesca martina! andrew and i think you should call her frannie... we're already teaching mc how to say it.
you're welcome to read my new years letter... just click here. i haven't really made any firm resolutions yet - but i DID stop biting my nails the day we landed in georgia. i tend to chew on them at work and when i'm stressed, so i thought it'd be a good time to stop while i was on holiday. they look good and i'm really super, totally, completely proud of myself.
tomorrow is my first day back at work.. at least it'll be a short week. more tomorrow, i'm sure..
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